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Why is so difficult for some people to talk with others?

Francisco Miraval

I recently left a couple of messages for a person in a high leadership position related to an education project for adult Latinos. I need to talk with that person because I was working as a consultant for that project, but I never received an answer. Later, I send her two different emails on two different days, but those additional messages remained unanswered.

Then, I met that person at her office and I mentioned the messages. She told me that, because those messages were related to the work I was doing, she could only reply by email to keep a record of my questions. So, she asked me to email my questions to her.

I told her that was exactly what I have done and that she already had the questions. It was useless. She asked me to send my questions to her again. I did and I finally received an answer, totally unrelated to anything I said in my message.

I called this person and this time I spoke with her. I told her none of the questions in my email have been answered. She told me she was too busy to read messages or listen to her voice mail, so she writes or says what she feels she needs to say, even if that’s not connected to the questions people ask her.

I can’t understand why she is in charge of a community-oriented project if she can’t communicate with others. Yet, she makes in a year more money I will make in ten years or probably even more time. And she is not the only person unable or unwilling to talk with others.

Last week I attended a business meeting where the director of a large construction project spoke about opportunities for local businesspeople to be part of that project.

The director began his speech saying he is always “too busy with important things” and, therefore, he seldom speaks in public. He said speaking in public was not one of his “favorite activities” and his speech clearly demonstrated that he meant it. As soon as the speech was over, he left without saying goodbye or thanking the audience.

I wonder why a project with budget of several hundreds of millions of dollars that will impact the lives of thousands of people for several decades can’t find a speaker who can speak for ten minutes, share useful information, and not insult the audience. If the director doesn’t want to talk, why is he talking?

And how come somebody who says in words and then confirm with deeds he is not interested in talking with people is in charge of a large community-oriented project?

Sometimes I wonder if it would be better for me to try to stop talking with people. Perhaps, if I do it, I will have better opportunities. I wonder if it is better to be openly anti-social. And I wonder why it is increasingly difficult to talk with others and to have a dialogue with others.

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